The island was discovered entirely by accident.
At least, that was the official version.
The man who would later become its president had been sailing for three days, carrying one suitcase, a compass he did not know how to use, and the unshakable conviction that he was destined for greatness.
His original destination was somewhere else.
Much else, in fact.
When his boat finally reached the shore of an unnamed tropical island, he stepped onto the sand, looked around, and made the first historically significant decision in the nation's future.
He declared the island his.
There was only one minor complication.
Nobody had asked him to.
A Nation Waiting to Happen
The island was beautiful. It had palm trees, fresh water, fertile soil, a natural harbour, and enough bananas to feed a small population for years.
It had no government, no taxes, no bureaucracy, and no national debt.
Naturally, the first thing the new arrival did was announce that the island was in a state of administrative emergency.
"An island without a government," he explained to a coconut tree, "is an island vulnerable to chaos."
The coconut tree offered no objections.
He interpreted this as unanimous support.
By sunset, the island had a name: the Banana Republic.
The name was chosen after extensive consultation with the local environment. More precisely, after he had eaten two bananas and decided that the remaining options were too complicated.
A flag was designed using a piece of cloth, a yellow stain, and what he described as a powerful national symbol.
The national anthem was postponed until a suitable musician could be found. The national budget was postponed until a suitable amount of money could be invented.
The foundations of the state were now firmly in place.
Or at least firmly planted in the sand.
The Office of the President
The next morning, the founder held the first presidential inauguration.
He appointed himself President, Minister of National Development, Chairman of the Emergency Committee, and Acting Director of All Future Institutions.
The ceremony lasted four minutes.
Three minutes were devoted to explaining why the ceremony had to be held immediately. The final minute was spent searching for a pen to sign the founding decree.
The decree established three principles:
- The island belonged to the Republic.
- The Republic belonged to its people.
- The President represented the people, the Republic, and, where necessary, the island itself.
The relationship between these principles was not discussed.
A constitution would be drafted at a later date, once the country had developed a sufficient understanding of what a constitution was supposed to prevent.
For now, the President ruled by necessity.
His own necessity, naturally.
The Question of the Population
There remained one practical problem: the island had no citizens.
The President considered this a temporary inconvenience rather than a structural weakness.
"Citizenship," he announced, "is a privilege that can be extended to those who demonstrate loyalty to the Republic."
He then noticed a group of monkeys near the banana trees.
They were numerous, organised in their own way, and particularly interested in the fruit.
The President saw an opportunity.
He approached them with a generous offer: bananas in exchange for national service.
The negotiations were brief. The monkeys accepted the bananas and immediately returned to the trees.
The President interpreted their departure as the beginning of a highly disciplined military deployment.
The Banana Republic had its first population, its first prospective security force, and the beginnings of a national defence strategy.
It also had a leader who had discovered that governing was remarkably easy when nobody was available to disagree with him.
A Historic Beginning
By the end of his first day, the President had founded a country, established its executive branch, designed its flag, and secured what he considered a strategic alliance with the local wildlife.
He had not yet discovered how to produce electricity, build roads, or explain where the national treasury would obtain its first funds.
These matters were classified as secondary priorities.
After all, every great nation must begin somewhere.
And the Banana Republic had begun exactly where its founder wanted it to begin: with absolute authority, unlimited optimism, and no one around to ask inconvenient questions.
Tomorrow, the President would address the question of national security.
He had already noticed that the monkeys were eating the bananas.
And in the Banana Republic, no resource of national importance could be allowed to remain outside government control.
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Satire and fiction. Absurdomat.
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